After multiple vehicle breakdowns I finally made it to St. John's last night, in a tow truck. D'Arcy's truck has issues and now it is sitting at a garage waiting to be repaired. I am trying to turn a page now that I am back here in St. John's, to shift my focus ahead to new days, perhaps even new dreams.
I must find a completeness within myself for I have learned that I can never find it with another person. That way brings only pain and sorrow, perhaps even madness. I must stop looking at the door that has closed behind me and begin to consider what choices and possibilities are ahead of me. If I cannot trust love again perhaps at least I can find peace. First I must find hope. Maybe that is all I was ever meant to have.
Change has happened and it must go on evolving. I cannot stay in the state of turmoil that is my daily routine. There are many ways I can turn now. I may stay here in St. John's to pursue my PhD or I may go somewhere else, like Concordia in Montreal. Another option is to go overseas to teach and then to travel the world - spend years out of Canada. That is a tantalizing thought I will continue to consider over the weeks and months ahead.
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