There is a Monty Python sketch with the line "Move along then.. nothing to see here" while there is much to see and most of it is terrible and bloody. Sometimes I use that line on myself when I find that I am brooding on recent events, trying to make sense of them. The fact is that I am simply too close to it and I need the distance that only time can give.
Last night I got a sharp reminder about how other people may be feeling in all of this. My son Dylan [ yes son, not stepson -that is how I feel about him] called me very upset and missing me. I had spoken to him before and those time he was being cool and collected, assuring me all was well. But he had been to see a movie that had a character who reminded him of me. The character died in the movie and Dylan was very upset by that. It was too close to what he has been experiencing.
We talked about him visiting me and I was delighted with the idea. We will need to sort things out with his mom and figure out the best time. It will be really good for both of us.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Friday, January 5, 2007
Rewinding the past...
Being here in St. John's it is impossible for me to avoid reflecting on the time Fiona and I spent here or that this is where we met. This is where it was all new and shiny.
Today I ran into one of the women who was in Fiona's Women's Studies program - Danielle Finney. It was so strange after not seeing her for over 9 years to be telling her about the split. We chatted, hugged and then said goodbye. We didn't exchange contact information or promise to stay in touch. We just happened to meet in our mutual past and then we moved on.
I wonder if it will be that way for me and Fiona? Will we just meet tangentially, nod, and then move on; our thoughts only briefly disturbed by our past? It is strange to think of that possibility when our past is slowly becoming a place I can visit without excessive pain, sometimes even with a smile.
As my future emerges and begins to dominate my horizon, the past must slip away from view. I feel a completeness in myself that has not been there before. For the first time in my adult life I am exultant about being on my own, single, undivided. So much to see. So much to do.
Stay tuned.
Today I ran into one of the women who was in Fiona's Women's Studies program - Danielle Finney. It was so strange after not seeing her for over 9 years to be telling her about the split. We chatted, hugged and then said goodbye. We didn't exchange contact information or promise to stay in touch. We just happened to meet in our mutual past and then we moved on.
I wonder if it will be that way for me and Fiona? Will we just meet tangentially, nod, and then move on; our thoughts only briefly disturbed by our past? It is strange to think of that possibility when our past is slowly becoming a place I can visit without excessive pain, sometimes even with a smile.
As my future emerges and begins to dominate my horizon, the past must slip away from view. I feel a completeness in myself that has not been there before. For the first time in my adult life I am exultant about being on my own, single, undivided. So much to see. So much to do.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
The third phase...
You may have noticed in the caption on this blog I claim to be in the third phase of my life. When I originally wrote that line I had a general impression that this was so but I had not yet thought through the whole notion of what framed each phase; what defined each phase.
I have had considerable time to reflect these past several weeks and now I have a much more clear understanding of the three phases of my life. The first phase ran from my birth in 1950 to my marriage in 1973. In this period I learned the basic skills necessary for life, had some fun then found a mate and settled down.
The second phase is most clearly shaped by my role in helping to raise a family; well two families really. My first is made up of my three children D'Arcy, Evan and Tianna while my second comprises Dylan. The second phase lasted 22 years with my ex-wife Judy and 11 years with my ex-girlfriend Fiona.
Now I am in my third phase and for the first time in over 33 years I am responsible to and for no one. It is a most odd feeling knowing that I have the ability to make so many choices for myself and some resources to help make those choices possible. I can keep going to school. I can travel. I can buy a house. I could look for a job overseas. In other words I can dream and then make my own dreams come true. I don't have to compromise or accommodate or negotiate or mitigate. I simply have to dream and then choose. My wants are modest, which matches my resources but my most important resource is me and I no longer have to share that with anyone unless I choose to.
From change comes opportunity. From pain rebirth and growth.
I have had considerable time to reflect these past several weeks and now I have a much more clear understanding of the three phases of my life. The first phase ran from my birth in 1950 to my marriage in 1973. In this period I learned the basic skills necessary for life, had some fun then found a mate and settled down.
The second phase is most clearly shaped by my role in helping to raise a family; well two families really. My first is made up of my three children D'Arcy, Evan and Tianna while my second comprises Dylan. The second phase lasted 22 years with my ex-wife Judy and 11 years with my ex-girlfriend Fiona.
Now I am in my third phase and for the first time in over 33 years I am responsible to and for no one. It is a most odd feeling knowing that I have the ability to make so many choices for myself and some resources to help make those choices possible. I can keep going to school. I can travel. I can buy a house. I could look for a job overseas. In other words I can dream and then make my own dreams come true. I don't have to compromise or accommodate or negotiate or mitigate. I simply have to dream and then choose. My wants are modest, which matches my resources but my most important resource is me and I no longer have to share that with anyone unless I choose to.
From change comes opportunity. From pain rebirth and growth.
Taking care of business...
There are lots of details to be looked after when you are in the process of reinventing yourself and constructing a new life out of whole cloth. Today it was the BANK! Well it really was not all that dramatic but it was very productive.
Change brings opportunity and in this case things I have thought of doing have actually become possible. Because I am now back resident in Newfoundland and Labrador I have greater flexibility in accessing my modest pension funds. That means if I want to take some time off and travel I have access to the money I will need or if I want to buy a house I can get the money for a down payment. The excitement is building.
Now I can actually plan to take off somewhere sunny and warm when I take a break between my Master's and my PhD.
Stay tuned!
Change brings opportunity and in this case things I have thought of doing have actually become possible. Because I am now back resident in Newfoundland and Labrador I have greater flexibility in accessing my modest pension funds. That means if I want to take some time off and travel I have access to the money I will need or if I want to buy a house I can get the money for a down payment. The excitement is building.
Now I can actually plan to take off somewhere sunny and warm when I take a break between my Master's and my PhD.
Stay tuned!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Simple pleasures...
There are so many simple pleasures that we enjoy almost everyday. I received many wonderful gifts this Christmas and most of them fall in that category. Earlier tonight I indulged myself in my occasional sweettooth nibbling away at some fudge my cousin Phyllis gave me.
Later this evening I sat down with a gift from my sister Evelyn, Mancala - the African Stone Game. It is one of those games that takes a moment to learn, a lifetime to master. It seems deceptively simple with a plain board with various hollows scooped into it and piles of small stones that are placed in the 12 circular holes. The idea is to move your stones around the board counter-clockwise until through various means you accumulate the most stones. Can't wait to actually play it with someone.
Now I am sitting here in my caftan that my sister Mollie gave me. It is comfy and relaxing and living in a graduate residence with mostly international students I am completely at home wearing it.
The soul is soothed by these pleasures, which is why we all need to give ourselves permission to embrace them at every opportunity. Go ahead - kick your shoes off at work - loosen that tie - heck take it off! Stay in bed this Sunday. Wink at a beautiful woman or man. Smile. Relax. Heal.
Later this evening I sat down with a gift from my sister Evelyn, Mancala - the African Stone Game. It is one of those games that takes a moment to learn, a lifetime to master. It seems deceptively simple with a plain board with various hollows scooped into it and piles of small stones that are placed in the 12 circular holes. The idea is to move your stones around the board counter-clockwise until through various means you accumulate the most stones. Can't wait to actually play it with someone.
Now I am sitting here in my caftan that my sister Mollie gave me. It is comfy and relaxing and living in a graduate residence with mostly international students I am completely at home wearing it.
The soul is soothed by these pleasures, which is why we all need to give ourselves permission to embrace them at every opportunity. Go ahead - kick your shoes off at work - loosen that tie - heck take it off! Stay in bed this Sunday. Wink at a beautiful woman or man. Smile. Relax. Heal.
Ordinary stuff...
A new year has begun and I am busy with the ordinary things required to start a new life in an old place. Now that I have officially moved back to Newfoundland I have to switch over my Medicare and driver's license and move my financial services back here.
Meantime I have been busy applying to doctoral programs here at MUN and at Concordia in Montreal. I am kind of excited about the idea of living in Montreal. It is a place I have only visited but always wanted to live in. This may be them time for that. But going into a doctoral program does require funding so if that does not happen then I will likely leave Canada for a few years and head off around the world, working and travelling.
I have been told that with a Master's degree I should be able to land a teaching position in Southeast Asia. A year of so of that and I should be able to save enough to take another year off and travel. If that happens I will be off to Europe via India and the Mediterranean. Ah - winter in Greece or perhaps Spain. Either way I seem to be in a win/win situation.
Stay tuned.
Meantime I have been busy applying to doctoral programs here at MUN and at Concordia in Montreal. I am kind of excited about the idea of living in Montreal. It is a place I have only visited but always wanted to live in. This may be them time for that. But going into a doctoral program does require funding so if that does not happen then I will likely leave Canada for a few years and head off around the world, working and travelling.
I have been told that with a Master's degree I should be able to land a teaching position in Southeast Asia. A year of so of that and I should be able to save enough to take another year off and travel. If that happens I will be off to Europe via India and the Mediterranean. Ah - winter in Greece or perhaps Spain. Either way I seem to be in a win/win situation.
Stay tuned.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Weird stuff...
Okay so I do support the idea of a reasonable amount of information on food packaging. You know things like fat content, sugars, preservatives and of course food allergy warnings like "May contain peanuts." But while I was finishing off a bit of cheddar I glanced at the last piece of the label I had just stripped away when these words caught my eye: "Allergy warning. Contains milk products." Cheese - contains milk products? Now that I call overkill.
Mind you I have seen information signs that surpass that. Like the one I used to see along 16th Avenue NW in Calgary. It was for a spinal injury clinic: "Walk-in patients welcome." Now that is just plain nasty - in a darkly humorous kind of way.
But life contains many weird and strange things that seem normal to some people. We just have to accept the notion that normal for some is weird for others and vice versa. I have never lived more than 10 years in the same city since I left home almost 40 years ago. I know other people who have never been out of their own province, who have lived in the same house all of their adult lives and who have worked one job to retirement. Now that is really weird. But it is the old normal; one that has almost disappeared.
The new normal is to move. change jobs, change careers, change, change, change... Perhaps this is a form of social evolution [if such a thing exists]. As we move further away from the tangible to the intangible [knowledge based economies, virtual communities, virtual reality] our connection with the constant or the very notion of permanence seems to become more ephemeral, less certain. What of our past or present will survive this?
Since this is the last day of 2006 it seems like an auspicious time to look back on what has changed, what has gone away and what has emerged. Much of it is weird and unexpected. We have to sort that part out and then find our way to the new year that approaches. These are exciting times with new adventures, new places and most of all new experiences. Long live weird!
Mind you I have seen information signs that surpass that. Like the one I used to see along 16th Avenue NW in Calgary. It was for a spinal injury clinic: "Walk-in patients welcome." Now that is just plain nasty - in a darkly humorous kind of way.
But life contains many weird and strange things that seem normal to some people. We just have to accept the notion that normal for some is weird for others and vice versa. I have never lived more than 10 years in the same city since I left home almost 40 years ago. I know other people who have never been out of their own province, who have lived in the same house all of their adult lives and who have worked one job to retirement. Now that is really weird. But it is the old normal; one that has almost disappeared.
The new normal is to move. change jobs, change careers, change, change, change... Perhaps this is a form of social evolution [if such a thing exists]. As we move further away from the tangible to the intangible [knowledge based economies, virtual communities, virtual reality] our connection with the constant or the very notion of permanence seems to become more ephemeral, less certain. What of our past or present will survive this?
Since this is the last day of 2006 it seems like an auspicious time to look back on what has changed, what has gone away and what has emerged. Much of it is weird and unexpected. We have to sort that part out and then find our way to the new year that approaches. These are exciting times with new adventures, new places and most of all new experiences. Long live weird!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
