Years ago an acquaintance was struggling with her boss who was overbearing and a control freak extraordinaire. The her boss got seconded to a new position. It was possible that she might return but I told this acquaintance that she should wish with all her heart that the new job turned out great for her boss so she would not want to come back. She took my advice and as it turns out things went so well for her former boss she did not return to her original position.
Thinking positive thoughts as a way of dealing with difficult situations is not simple nor does it have any certainty of success. Life is just too complicated for that but in the meantime the woman who took my advice was a lot less stressed and a lot more satisfied with her own job. The fact is pleasant thoughts have a positive outcome for the person who deliberately chooses to focus their energy in that direction. It does not require rose coloured glasses but you do have to open your eyes so that you see clearly.
I have learned that one from hard experience in particular through my recent breakup. I still feel the pain of that if I let myself focus on it and allow the anger to build in me. But I have found I can turn it around by rejecting the negative and deliberately choosing to feel better about my past, to not try to turn the whole relationship into a terrible memory. There were a lot of good times and very few bad. So I have to remind myself of that to prevent myself from getting mired in self-pity.
Sometimes just being good to yourself can help. Saturday I treated myself to a massage and a pedicure at a local spa. It was wonderful and I think I am addicted to pedicures. Still what really made the difference was recognizing that the only one who can be responsible for my happiness is me.
Believing that, understanding that makes all of the difference. It is a very liberating notion and a very powerful one because it make it possible to just let go of the past. I will not pretend that it is easy or that the idea stays front an centre all of the time. But with practice it can become the dominant outlook that shapes your perceptions.
I don't want to miss my present or to screw up my future because I am a prisoner of my past. I want to be free to kick up my heels and embrace whatever life brings along next.
It is a good start.
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