Friday, September 28, 2007

Finding my way...

Healing takes a long time and sometimes the pain is masked by other things. I am very glad to be back here in Calgary but every now and then I am reminded of what has changed and what has been lost.

My world is a strange one in which I remain in contact with my former partner's husband Randall [They have never actually divorced]. He is house-sitting for Fiona this weekend while she is away attending a conference somewhere. Learning that gave me a twinge as I remembered when I would have been the one going away with Fiona but that is gone for good. Still, I would not change back to what was. When I reflect on our relationship I can see how it had been in decline for a long time. Neither of us could be who the other person wanted or needed. We simply have grown in different directions.

For now I have to focus on myself and my journey. We must live in the present for in the end it is all we really ever have.

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