The same but different...

I have been back in Calgary for almost 3 weeks now and I have been reflecting on how much things are the same. I do feel like I have come back to a home - not the home but a home. So much is familiar and provides a sense of belonging. I have so many friends here. I feel entirely at home at the university.

But it is impossible for me to ignore the differences. I am not in my previous relationship. I now live in the SW instead of the NE quadrant of the city. My stepson Dylan is not down the hall from me. I am trying to start new relationships while reconnecting with some old ones. Strangely enough the is also a sense of tension dissipated when I encounter some of the people I previously knew at the university - as if Fiona's absence from my life is making things easier for me.

At the same time I have to acknowledge that I have moved from being an undergraduate to a PhD student and that alone is sufficient to alter the whole dynamic of my life at school. I now hold a position that I must be cognizant of as I negotiate my various relationships in the Academy. It is not one of power or authority but one of privilege. As such I find myself placed at the intersection of student and scholar where enormous change may occur within my live experience. I am on the cusp of a profound change in my identity and I am continually reminded that it will not be an easy task but one that demands an enormous commitment from me.

I cannot help but be both thrilled and somewhat daunted by the expectations I have created for myself.



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