Looking out - looking in...

I have been given pause over the past several months to reflect on my attitude towards other people. Specifically I have had two members of my family call me on shit they felt was not appropriate.
One used the phrase "drama queen" and the other said "actions speak louder than words". Now I learned a long time ago that I can either be offended or I can stop and reflect on criticism that I get from others. Over time I have found that the latter is always the best choice since I can either reject the criticism or actually gain some insight from it.
So now I am trying to process this and to understand how I got from being a caring and giving individual to one who seems (according to those who love me and care about me) far too self-absorbed. This is not intended as a rationalization of my behaviour but an honest and earnest attempt to look at myself through the experiences of others.
I have spent most of my adult life (over 33 years in relationships that required me to share myself with others and in some measure to sacrifice my own desires and needs to a greater good. When I experienced the traumatic and sudden breakup in my last relationship I became far too focussed on myself. It did not help that I was in graduate school and spending most of my time in my room working on my writing and my personal projects.
I went from a caring and giving person to being self-absorbed largely to the detriment of those around me. But now I am trying to honestly shift my focus and to find my equilibrium. I have been meditating on a book given to me by my friends Paul and Mona - Shambhala: The Way of the Warrior. It will take time but I am determined to reconstruct myself into a more positive person who can look inward and outward.