Surviving the research project...

There are times when I do wonder if I will survive this research project. Not survive in terms of live or die but as a PhD candidate. I wake up in despair and go to sleep in exhaustion after days of small hopes, occasional insights and a strong sens of being overwhelmed. The work is with me most waking moments and while I do take the weekends off simply for my sanity it is a struggle to not think of the project.

Still, I have to trust the process. The deeper I get into this project the more certain I am that this is an important piece of work and the greater my sens of responsibility to those who have agreed to participate with me. I am not the sole owner of this work. It belongs to us all and while I may be the de facto leader I have an obligation to go where my participants take me.

I recently found a better focus for the project, one that examines how pride and honour are always present when people bear the legacy of shame and stigma. I want to understand how pride and honour are manifested in their lives through their active engagement in their culture. To this end I have identified four groups of participant. The first are the artists who manifest their pride and honour through material culture. The second are the spiritual leaders who engage their people in acts of healing through ritual and the restoration of a traditional connect to the natural world. The third are the social activists who seek to restore economic and social stability within the Aboriginal communities. The final group is made up of teaches and students who engage in ways of bringing Aboriginal culture into acceptance and respect within the dominant culture through sharing of ideas and beliefs.

This does mean that my project must be extended over another year of research but this is what the process requires. I must continue to immerse myself in the lived experiences of my research partners. Only then will I legitimately be able to interpret their lives to others.